The Crazy Cullens 2
by AnEmotionalVampire
Summary: Sequel to The Crazy Cullens! How much trouble and how many headaches can the Cullen kids give Carlisle and Esme before they snap? Read and find out as the story progresses... *Complete*
1. Prologue

**Author Notes:** The Crazy Cullens return in another attempt at being humorous! After my exhausting time working on Growing Pains I decided I need a bit of humor… and so here you go.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't be here would I? No I didn't think so… Twilight characters respectfully belong to the lady that created them…

**The Crazy Cullens**  
Part 2  
Prologue

"Why do we have to have a sequel? Wasn't one Crazy Cullen fanfic enough?" Edward asked, frowning. "I mean, how much more trouble can we get into?"

"Of course we do, Ced…er…Eddy!" Emmett said cheerfully. Edward growled and Emmett laughed louder, "I'm sorry, it slipped!"

"You're right it slipped." Edward said, "or Carlisle will be helping your head reattach itself after I shove it up your ass" Jasper entered the room and calmed everyone down.

"Alright, alright, lets all behave like good little vampires." He said.

"Lets just get this stupid idea started." Rosalie said, looking at herself in the mirror, fluffing up her hair.

"I foresee many trials and tribulations ahead…and many, many headaches for Carlisle and Esme." Alice said in her mysterious voice.

The Cullen kids went back home, satisfied that they ate enough to last a week and Emmett was already getting his first idea…

_…To Be Continued…_

**Notes:** You know what to do next..._  
_


	2. Revenge is Sweet

**Author Notes:** I can barely keep my eyes open. I don't know how I finished this chapter. I knew I had to make up for the very short prologue. Ah, I haven't given up on Growing Pains. I just needed to start something to do when I'm not in the mood to work on that fic.

**Chapter One**

Revenge is sweet

Emmett decided he wanted to go to the mall, and everyone was shocked but he managed to talk his siblings and wife into going to Seattle. Edward and Alice both knew he had other motives for going instead of shopping. He turned to his family and grinned widely like a child excited on Christmas morning.

"Lets get started. To the escalators." He said. "Jasper you'll stand at the top, and make people excited about getting on. By the time they get to the end, they'll feel fearful. Edward, you'll stand at the bottom and wish everyone a good day. Rosalie and Alice will criticize what people wear and I'll be goofy."

Everyone nodded and took their places. The first people on the escalators were an older couple. Jasper sent out waves of excitement and watched as the couple got on the escalators like a child in a candy shop. Alice and Rosalie went on behind them and started to make comments about their clothes.

"Ugh, Teenagers." The woman muttered. "no respect, parents probably didn't beat them enough. I ought to teach those sluts a few lessons" Jasper sent a very strong wave of fear then and there were low growls coming from Emmett. The couple hurried off.

"Have a nice day! Hope you fall on your face!" Edward said as they hurried off and Alice and Rosalie went back upstairs and received hugs from their husband. This time a group of teenagers got on, two boys and two girls.

Emmett spoke up first to Rosalie and Alice. "I heard that security were looking for a group of four teenagers, you know, the ones in front of us matches the description." Jasper sent off waves of panic and fear and the five vampires could hear the human's hearts quicken.

Alice spoke up, playing along. "Yeah, I heard that too. Something about shop lifting from a store." Jasper was trying hard to keep a straight face as the escalator ride came to a end. He sent off a wave of relief at Rosalie's next words.

"Actually, I don't think these are the same kids." The kids in front of them sighed and got off the moving steps.

"Thank you for riding with us, have a nice day." Edward said. After a few more time, they were catching the eyes of the security so they decided to move on.

They walked for a few moments and ended up in the food court. Edward got a great idea and Alice shook her head, but then gave up after a silent argument between the two.

"Emmett," Edward said grinning, ready for payback for all the Cedric teasing. "I dare you to go to McDonalds, order 50 cheeseburgers and eat them, all." Emmett's face paled, then he put on a brave face and went to McDonalds and stood in line.

"Next please?" The lady said. "How may I help you?" Emmett gulped.

"I would like 50 cheeseburgers and the largest water you have." He said.

"50?" The Cashier repeated. Emmett nodded. "Alright. That'll be 52.94." Emmett paid cash and waited. Once he got his tray he went to a table where Jasper stood up on a chair.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, my brother here is going to attempt to eat 50 cheeseburgers without throwing up. Personally, I don't think he'd make it…" People glanced over as Emmett started eating.

Soon the pile of food dwindle and Emmett looked sick and was groaning. But people were cheering.

Jasper was starting to look worried himself. Emmett had 10 more to go. He unwrapped another and shoved it in his mouth quickly chewing. Rosalie was trying to tell him to stop, it wasn't worth it anymore, but Emmett refused to be defeated. He ate two more.

"Kids!" Carlisle's voice rang out and his children looked up, and he didn't like the way Emmett looked. "Emmet, son, how do you feel?"

"Horrible." He said. "Feels like I'm gonna throw up." Carlisle helped him up and went to the bathroom. Jasper went with them to help calm Emmett down.

_Edward, tell the others to go home. I'll take Jasper and Emmett home. _Carlisle thought.

"Carlisle wants us to go home. He's not leaving any room for arguments. He'll take Jazz and Emmett home." Edward led his sisters to the car. He couldn't help but smirk.

_Revenge was sweet. _Edward thought.

**_To Be Continued…_**

**End Notes:** Review please?


	3. It's a Road Trip Day 1

**Author notes:** Someone asked why I keep typing "To Be Continued…" at the bottom. Well, because they all tie into each other, and so it'll be continued on the next chapter. And I like typing "To Be Continued…" Enjoy this…

**Chapter two**  
It's a road trip  
Day 1

Carlisle arrived home shortly after others and was annoyed with them all. After Emmett felt better, he finally allowed the anger to seep in and started figuring out ways to punish his naughty children. He led Jasper and Emmett in and found the rest in the living room.

"Alright, If anyone of you do any more dares that causes harm to each other, I'm going to take something valuable away from each of you for a month." Carlisle threatened. "Emmett -- your jeep. Jasper -- your Civil war novels. Alice -- your credit cards. Rosalie -- your BMW. And Edward --your piano. Do you all understand me?"

"Yes." They mumbled.

"Good. I'm going back to work, and to make up for lost time I'll be working late. Behave." Carlisle left his kids to mope and headed back to work.

Emmett still looked a bit green and his eyes had darken considerably since his intimate relations with the toilet at the mall. Edward felt guilty for making his brother eat such disgusting food.

"I'm sorry, Emmett." He said, "I shouldn't have dared you to eat disgusting human food. To make it up to you, we'll go hunting as soon as it's bear season." Emmett grinned and agreed. Rosalie was smoothing out Emmett's hair.

"What shall we do now?" Jasper said. "We could invite Bella over."

"Bella is in Jacksonville for the week, she left yesterday. She's not getting the sun she wanted. It's gonna be cloudy and rainy all week." The Cullens exchanged glances.

"Road trip!" Emmet said and they hurried upstairs to pack. Edward stopped by to see Esme. Esme always hated when Edward went away.

"Esme?" Edward said softly, not to startle his mother. Esme looked up and smiled. "We're going on a road trip. To Jacksonville. We'll be back at the end of the week." Esme came up to him and hugged him tightly. "Just think, you and Carlisle get the house all to yourselves."

This seemed to cheer Esme up. It's been awhile since they were alone. "You know how to make me feel better, don't you?" Edward smiled and kissed his mother's forehead. "Go get packed." He hurried up the stairs and packed.

"Change of plans, we're going to Disney World." Alice said. "Still supposed to be cloudy!"

They piled in the Volvo and Edward pulled out. The first stop was the gas station so Edward could fill up. Emmett and Jasper went inside and got the basic road trip necessities.

"We don't need a map, we have a GPS system." Jasper said, but Emmett insisted. They also got chips, soda, chocolate bars, Hostess snack cakes - Ding Dongs, Twinkies, HoHo, Snowballs. Emmett was looking at the small bag of dog food.

"Too bad we can't go to La Push and put some of this dog food on Jacob's doorsteps." He said and the two brothers cracked up and paid for their items and went to the car. They piled in and Edward took off.

"I know we don't eat, but if you guys get ANY of that disgusting stuff all over my car I will rip you to pieces and hide the parts." Jasper and Emmett kept the food in the bag.

_To Be Continued…_

**Notes:** Why did they buy all that food? What sort of trouble will they get into on the way to Florida. Stay tuned to find out!


	4. It's a Road Trip Day 2

**Author Notes:** Enjoy the lameness.

**Chapter Three  
It's a road trip  
Day 2.**

By morning, thanks to Edward's insane need for speed, they made it half way across the country before getting pulled over. He dug out his license, registration and insurance. Emmett got out the video camera. Edward rolled down his window as the cop came up to the door.

"Excuse me sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" The officer asked Edward.

"Yes sir, I was speeding sir. My little brother really had to use the bathroom. You see, he has a bladder problem." He pointed to Jasper, who instantly looked like he was about to wet his pants. He was groaning, saying how his bladder was about to burst if he didn't relieve himself soon.

"Can I see your…" The officer said, waiting for Edward to hand him his things when Emmett spoke up.

Emmett waved his hand, as if doing a Jedi Mind trick and said, "You don't need to see his identification." He said in a serious tone and Edward's mouth twitched slightly. "These are the droids you're looking for."

"Trying to be funny, are we?" The officer said as he took the papers from Edward and saw one of the females hit the funny boy.

"Idiot!"

"Aww, Rose…"

The officer rolled his eyes and went to his car. He looked up Edward's name and found he had a spotless record, not one ticket, not one warning. But there was something on his record that said "Beware girls, extremely gorgeous!" It was put in by some officer in Forks, Washington. He looked up and saw a lot of scuffling in the car as Edward tried to get the camera from the big burly guy. He decided to give them a scare. He got out of the car and went back to the shiny Volvo.

"Can I have you all step out of the car please. I would like to search it." Of course there would be protest, but there was none as they piled out. The cop searched the car and found nothing incriminating.

_What are these teenagers? Perfect? Look at the girls! Especially that blonde… no stop, she's your daughter's age no doubt… but look… T_he cop shook his head and sighed as he pulled out of the car. "I'm letting you off with a warning. If you get pulled over again, you will get a ticket." He looked at Emmett, "And young man, Jedi Mind Tricks do not work. My son tries it on me all the time." The officer handed Edward his stuff back and went back to the cruiser and sighed as the kids piled in the car and took off, at the proper speed limit.

Edward obeyed the speed limit for an hour growling before finally speeding off. He kept his mind reading abilities open so he could detect cops better.

"Hey, Edward?" Jasper said, looking at his brother.

"If you EVER use me as an excuse again, I'll kill you." He sent the threat over with a wave a malice. Edward suppressed a shudder.

In Forks, Washington Carlisle and Esme were enjoying the peacefulness of their house for once. It was quiet. No kids, no fighting, it was a dream come true for them. Carlisle crawled over Esme and kissed her passionately.

"Carlisle Cullen, you are absolutely irresistible." Esme said and kissed him.

**_To Be Continued…_**


	5. It's a Road Trip Day 3

**Author Notes: **I know I haven't updated this in a while, I'm sorry. I've been working on my other stories. This one isn't high on the priority list. Anyways, enjoy!

**Random Disclaimer:** Someone told me I don't own Twilight. I was very distraught.

**Chapter Four**  
It's a road trip  
Day 3.

"Disney, Disney, Disney… Disney World here we come!" Emmett sang in the back seat of the Volvo. They arrived in Florida that morning, where it was hot, humid but very cloudy. A flash of light lit the sky and a in the distance was a boom of thunder. "Baseball baseball bas--owww! Aw Rose!" He rubbed his head and stayed quiet. He knew better than to keep talking when he was in severe pain from a severe head trauma. Of course, he was exaggerating about the whole severe pain and head trauma thing. He was a vampire -- nothing could hurt him. He laughed evilly.

_Thwack! _Another smack upside the head, this time harder before, really hard. He realized it wasn't Rosalie that gave him the thwack but Edward. Jasper was driving and Edward was taking a break. You know, to seem more human especially after getting pulled over.

Emmett lurched forward, hitting his head on the back of the driver's seat, causing Jasper to swerve slightly. He let out a little whimper and Rosalie held him close, patting his poor head softly, glaring at Edward.

"No one hits my husband but me, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." Rosalie said and reached over quickly, whacking Edward upside the head. She didn't even think about doing it. Edward lurched forward, this time and Rosalie smirked.

"Hey, guys. We're here." Jasper said as he pulled up to the same hotel Bella would be staying in during her visit to Disney World. He parked the car and went in with the others to get their rooms.

Edward saw Bella in the gift shop and went over to her, covering her eyes. "Guess who, Love." Bella gasped and turned around, shocked and very surprised to see Edward.

"Edward!" She cried and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him. He returned the kiss and held her close. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to see you. Alice said it was going to be cloudy all week so we decided to come visit. And give Carlisle and Esme a break. We've been driving them crazy" He explained and kissed her again, most breathtakingly, which caused her to faint for a second. It was the second time that happened when he kissed her like that.

"I'm going to be spending time with my mom and Phil you know." She said after coming around.

"Of course. Besides, I think we'll go off and do our own thing. We're going to the theme park as well. We uh… never been to any Disney parks before."

"The Cullens… on the lose at Disneyworld?" Bella said, wide-eyed, obviously thinking of the trouble they could get into. "Oh dear."

Back in Forks, Esme and Carlisle were snuggled together under blankets. Carlisle had called in a sick day, claiming he had a 24 hour type bug and needed the rest. He even ate human food to make himself throw up in the middle of a phone call. It was most disgusting and Emmett would've been proud. But he sounded very convincing and his boss gave him the next 2 days off to recover. He was all Esme's and right now they were enjoying each other's company very much without the worry of their children.

"Esme," Carlisle murmured as he kissed her collarbone. "ready for round four?" Esme giggled and then shoved him down and processed on to round four.

Carlisle's eyes rolled back in pleasure as a moan escaped from him as Esme worked her magic on him.

**_To be continued..._**

**Notes:** You know what to do, don't disappoint me.


	6. Disneyworld

**Author Notes:** Here is the next installment. Enjoy it. Sorry I don't update this one as quick as some of my others, I'll try to get another chapter out this month, before Thanksgiving.

**Chapter Five**  
Disney World

Jasper looked as if he was in pain. Everyone said that about him. There was a reason why he looked that way. He was controlling himself from acting on all the different emotions he felt, oh and he was keeping himself from feeding on passing people. Disneyworld was not a place for him. He managed to escape Alice and was trailing behind an old couple celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. They were old, no one would miss him.

He was stalking them, in total hunt mode when Alice danced up to him and gently touched his arm, shaking him out of it. She was the only one who could bring him out of his hunt mode the others would just hold him back as he fought against them. Alice gentle touch and her waves of love pulled him away. His eyes were black now and he needed to hunt. He wondered if anyone would miss an animal at the Animal Kingdom.

Jasper groaned. "This is why we shouldn't be here. Too many snacks walking around."

"Jasper!" Alice sounded abashed, but still a small giggle escaped her lips. When hungry, he'd refer to humans as "snacks" and would try to nom one.

"I want to go home." He said suddenly feeling homesick. "I know you wanna see Bella…"

"We'll go home." Alice said and kissed his cheek. "After I do some rides. We're never getting this way again, please? You wont do anything. I promise." Jasper gave in.

Emmett was in line for Splash Mountain with Rosalie. "And then there's this huge 70 foot drop." Emmett said, completely exaggerating and totally scaring the little boy in front of him. "And you plummet down to your death." The boy burst into tears and Emmett received glares from parents and people around him.

"What? I wasn't talking about the ride." Emmett said, but he totally was. "That's what eavesdroppers do. Totally misinterpret things." Rosalie just smacked him upside the head and for effect, he rubbed it, though it didn't hurt as much. "Ow."

"Stop scaring the children." She said and Emmett looked sheepish. "I'm sorry about my husband, he's just being stupid. He never thinks before he talks." She apologized for Emmett and dragged him into the floating log when it was their turn. The boy was too small to ride anyways, though it didn't help his pants!

Edward stood in line with Bella, Renee and Phil for Pirates of the Caribbean. He made a mental note to ask Carlisle about pirates later. They got in the boat when it was their turn and Edward enjoyed the ride. Enjoyed being human for once, though he was still very much a vampire.

"Yo-oh, yo-oh a pirate's life for me." Bella sung along. "Drink up me hearties yo-ho!" Edward grinned and kissed her forehead when his phone went off. He took it out and answered it.

"He did? He does? Alright. We'll meet up before you leave. Bye, Alice." He hung up and whispered in Bella's ear. "We have to meet Alice and Jasper after this. Jasper is feeling a bit homesick and wants to go home." Bella looked sad, but pleased. At least she wouldn't have to suffer with Alice and her shopping.

Bella spoke too soon. Before Jasper and Alice decided to head home, They went to Main Street and shopped, buying gifts and trinkets for Esme and Carlisle and they got a family photo, minus Phil and Renee, with Pooh bear Emmett stood in back, act liking he was going to bite the bear so they had to take another, decent picture, but also kept the first one as a joke.

Bella told Alice and Jasper to wait, she wanted to get something for her "adoptive" parents and went and came back with Mickey hats with their name on them. "Here, give these to them for me."

"Sure." Alice smiled and they hugged and headed to the airport after buying luggage to bring the stuff they bought home.

"So," Bella asked Edward an hour later. "Are you going to call Carlisle and Esme and tell them two of their children are returning home early?"

"Nope." came Edward's reply and him and Emmett exchanged fist punches.

_To be continued…_

**Notes:** I'm already looking forward to writing the next chapter! Review please!


	7. Never A Good Thing

**Author Notes:** Enjoy this fun filled chapter…

Random Disclaimer: The day I own Twilight is the day they find the cure for the common cold (curse you cold! I banish you from my body!)

**Chapter Six**  
Never A Good Thing

It's never a good thing when one gets homesick and wants to return home early from vacation without telling the people who did stay at home.

It's never a good thing to assume that your siblings called the people who did stay home to tell them some of them were returning early. Especially if you could see the future, but Alice was concentrating on Jasper harder.

It's never, ever, a good thing to walk in on your parents kanoodling in the middle of the living room as the rare bright sun casts through the windows.

It's never a good thing when you will never, ever forget what you saw.

Jasper and Alice stood in the doorway mouth opened, surprised to see the couch in pieces on the floor and Carlisle snogging Esme as if his vampire life depended on it.

Jasper and Alice were very embarrassed at walking in on their parents. And Alice was going to kill the others for not calling them and telling them they were on the way home. Alice shouldn't have been paying too much attention to her husband and kept a lookout on the future.

Jasper cleared his throat, causing his parents to jump in surprise. With lightening speed, their parents raced upstairs to get dressed and then came down.

Alice and Jasper still stood in the door way, could smell the mustiness from Carlisle and Esme's personal time alone.

"What are you guys doing back?" Carlisle asked, surprised, but calm, cool and collected on the outside. Inside he was dying. Dying of embarrassment and Jasper could feel it.

"Jasper was homesick. Edward was supposed to call." Alice said and got out her cell and called her brother and started yelling at him. Edward, they could all hear, was laughing his butt off. As was everyone else. She hung up and muttered about how stupid brothers are sometimes.

Jasper handed them Mickey ears that he pulled from a carry on bag. "These are from Bella." He said simply and went upstairs.

"Homesickness is never a good thing." He muttered as him and Alice went to their rooms.

Back at Disneyworld, Edward and the others were laughing their tushies off at the discomfort of those back in Forks when Edward's phone rang.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you are in deep trouble young man!" Esme said into the phone. The laughter died and Edward gulped. It was NEVER a good thing when your mother calls you by your full name.

It was just another day in the life of the crazy Cullens and that was never a good thing.

_**To Be Continued…**_

**Notes:** The Crazy Cullens 2 is coming to an end soon. Probably in the next 2-3 chapters. Just thought you'd wanna know! MUWAHAHAHA. Review please.


	8. Crashed

**Author's Notes:** Here's the last chapter. I know I said that there would be two or three chapters left, but I changed my mind. Being the author, I'm allowed to do that. Oh btw, I know vampires probably can't be knocked out, but whatever as the author, I decided that they can and as the author, I demand… er… request you enjoy this last chapter.

**Chapter Seven  
**Crashed

Edward took a corner too sharp on a slick, wet road and skidded, causing his beloved shiny, silver Volvo to roll over down an embankment. It came to a stop a few moments later and Emmett helped Rosalie out.

Edward was ejected through the windshield and laying limply about 20 feet away, up against a boulder that had his head imprinted in it.

They raced over to him and bent down, checking him over for injuries. Edward's eyes were closed, but he was still breathing.

Edward had flown a through several trees before hitting the boulder, knocking him out. It took a lot to knock out a vampire, but Edward did fly through glass, a few trees and into a boulder.

They weren't too far from home so Emmett picked up Edward, holding him over his shoulder and looked at Rosalie.

"I'll take care of the car, just get him home." She said and kissed Emmett's cheek. Emmett ran off while Rosalie dealt with the car.

Emmett ran fast and made it home and into the house just as Edward was starting to come around, already healed. Carlisle was there, already ready for them thanks to Alice. Emmett gently set his brother on the couch and sat down, panting dramatically.

Carlisle went to Edward and tended to him, fretting like a worried parent, which he was. "Now Edward, how do you feel?"

"Better. Don't remember much, but I guess I really don't want to remember the death of my shiny, silver Volvo." He said and Emmett laughed. "It's not funny!" Carlisle declared that Edward was fine.

"Alice foreseen you crash the car. Go look in the garage." Carlisle told Edward. His son got up and went to the garage.

And that is how he got his new dark gray almost black looking Volvo.

**The end!**

**End notes:** Just had to explain on why the car was different in new moon! This is the end of the Crazy Cullens. There will be no Number 3. Sorry my loyal reviews. Thank you all! You're all the best! Much love all around. The first Crazy Cullens was better. This little gig here was pointlessly stupid in my humble opinion! Love you all!


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